As I sit here at my computer drinking my cup of hot chocolate because I don’t drink coffee and sometimes need to feel adult and holding a cup seems to be required….I find myself thinking thoughts again that have been going through my mind of late.
I want always to be nice. I want that to be who I AM and I think most of the time it is. But there are times when I have to work at being nice…and it worries me…does that still count as “being” nice? Bear with me because these thoughts are muddled and the hot chocolate is decaffeinated. (Maybe a couple of caffeinated Oreos will help.)
I don’t want to make light of these thoughts because they are important to me. If my first response to someone or a certain situation isn’t nice and I have to walk myself through it, am I still nice? I still find myself sometimes battling the demons of jealousy or envy or intolerance. But if I come out the winner and manage to do or say the nice thing, is that niceness tainted or less somehow? Or is it better and stronger because I had to fight for it?
Such simple thoughts…not at all earth-shattering or of importance to anyone else, but they have been bouncing around my head these last few days and I needed to air them out.
13 comments:
Dear Magpie,
Somewhere in the Good Book this dilemma is addressed. It's put this way (I paraphrase here): Anybody can love a lovable person, even the wicked do that, but only the child of God can love an unlovable person. It takes no courage to be nice to a nice person, but it takes a lot of guts to be nice to someone who inspires ill feeling in you.
I don't want to inflict the Bible on you in case it's not an authority for you, so let's branch out here to the Alcoholics Anonymous book for people who want to be sober. This dilemma is addressed in there too, which tells me that your ponderings are pretty much universal thoughts.
The AA book specifically instructs us to take the right action no matter what our feelings are. Everyone has flaws and everyone is a child of God. When we find ourselves in disharmony with another, we are to summon up all the tolerance and courtesy that we can, and pray God's blessings on that person and His aid for yourself. How we ACT is more important than how we FEEL. God judges us by our actions, not our feelings.
So restraining yourself is an honorable act. Being nice is an action of self restraint. In the rooms of AA we call this keeping our side of the street clean. The asshole's side of the street may be a mess, but that's none of our business. Our business is to do the right thing at any cost.
The Golden Rule holds true whether you feel jealous, outraged, inferior or whatever. If it were human nature to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, why would we need a Golden Rule about it?
Far from being "tainted," the niceness you have to work for is a moral victory in my book. All around me I see people letting loose with their negativity, inflicting their bad feelings on others without any respect, and it bothers me so much that I try hard not to do as they do. Any time I try to restrain my initial reaction out of respect for others, I believe I'm a winner in God's eyes. I think you are too.
Blogger comments played a game with me this morning! Sorry if you get multiple comments. I was trapped in a loop I couldn't get out of!
well enchanted pretty much left little to say...smiles. know this...you are not in that boat alone and there are times i have to wrestle my thoughts. this is the danger in being led with either jsut our heart or just our mind...each has its own agenda...and its a journey...so when we do screw up, its only a blip on the radar and not beat ourselves up, only work it out as we continue to journey...
Chris and Brian,
I can't tell you how much your insight means to me...this is why I keep doing this blogging thing. I've met so many intuitive and inspiring people on this journey. Thank you so much for reaching across the miles and encouraging me along the way. :)
Oh gosh, we've all been there, haven't we? I do try to listen first, speak later or bite my tongue and not just blurt out something I may regret later. :) Not always easy to do, but I've never regretted limiting my words.
So it boils down to something like niceness is as niceness does. I'm not good with philosophical discussions so I'll just say what's really nice is this photo. Where in the world did you find such an exotic-looking subject?
In my opinion you need to stop thinking so much and start drinking coffee! :-) xxoo
A wonderful post, that made me think and made me laugh! Nothing wrong with hot chocolate if you ask me. Sure, niceness comes easier to some people than others, but I think it's a rare person that can constantly and easily be nice. If you weren't struggling with these questions, you wouldn't be nice... clearly you are! Besides, bitchiness is underrated if you ask me. ;-)
Kathy - the photo was taken on a trip down the Columbia River Gorge a couple of years ago when I was visiting my oldest and dearest friend. So, it's in Mary Beth's neck of the woods. It just said "deep thought pondering place" to me. :)
I like your thoughts... And I think it's good to try our best while at the same time recognizing we're not perfect...
God bless you!
Cezar
I think 'being nice' is worth the effort--if it is an effort--and many times it is. But the fact that one took the effort and didn't resort to nastiness is the prize.
I like to be known as a nice person too but don't want to be stepped on either---so there is a balance too. MB
That has got to be a sister bridge! :-)
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