On the Wing…

Today as I headed out for my morning walk/jog, I had a lot on my mind.  I go later today for my second follow up blood work to see how I am doing at controlling the diabetes. I have an appointment with a vein and vascular doctor to test for PAD.  I have an appointment with the eye doctor to see if the diabetes has affected my eyesight….lots on my mind.

I listen to my ipod on my walk and I use the music to prod myself along. I may not be healthy, but I’m stubborn and bull headed. So it’s “you can’t stop jogging until this song ends” or “you have to start jogging by the third song that plays.”

I’m on the backside of my circuit and finishing my third jogging set.  I won’t let myself stop until this song ends. Finally…I’m breathing hard and have a catch in my side. I haven’t eaten or drank anything because of the blood work and I’m a little light headed.   The thought crosses my mind to turn and look behind me and just as quickly something tells me not to. I’m afraid of what I might see laying in the path behind me. What if I see my body?  Crumpled in a heap on the ground? What if I’ve died back there and just don’t know it?  The music starts again….

Breathe and I’ll carry you away into the velvet sky

and we’ll stir the stars around and watch them fall away….

Maybe I really am moving away from my body and maybe I am headed into the sky.  There’s a pause in the music and I’m comforted by the sound of my shoes hitting the ground, the wind blowing gently in my face and my shadow walking ahead of me. All of this must mean I’m still here and living and breathing, right?

I am floating away lost in a silent ballet

I’m dreaming you are out in the blue and I’m right beside you…

I’ve reach the point where I have to turn and head home. I’ll be able to see down the path behind me. Do I want to look? Whether I do or not, something compels me and I look….nothing. I’m fine – physically anyway, maybe not mentally.

Are you there

Are you there…

The lyrics are from “On the Wing” by Owl City. It’s really a beautiful song.  Now I think I’ll get my shower, get to the lab and get the blood work done and go have some breakfast. :)